I know I am not a famous blogger so I am sure most of you know me personally. Anyone that has any true connection should know that I am a little bit of a control freak. I have read Eckhart Tolle as well as The Secret and I do not have the ability to remain in the Now. I have tried to live there and have been successful but something happens and I start to ponder what if's and what could have beens. This inability to live in the now has prompted this blog.
Being as though I recently broke my ankle, whilest running my first 5k, I have had to let go of all control and allow myself to remain sidelined from my life. I have had to instill the assistance of a reluctant spouse for all of my transportation and meals as I cannot hobble on crutches with a plate or glass. I have had to rely on my students to behave and get Mrs. Schuster whatever she needs for lessons. I have had to sit on my ass instead of run 3x weekly or attend my kickboxing classes. Worst of all, I have had to watch my son wish we could be as active as we normally are on weekends and miss out on doing things we would usually do.
I was reading an article of about injuries and how they can bring you through similar stages of dealing with death. If this is true, I must be in the depressed stage. The WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA DO FOR SIX WEEKS stage. The WHY CANT I DO MORE WITH MY SON stage. The LIKE I NEED ANY NEW REASONS FOR MY BODY TO NOT WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT stage. I know I am being a Debbie Downer, and I am sorry. I just want to express the pain and anguish I feel knowing that I made it to the very goal I was working towards to have it all ripped away from me. I keep telling myself that it is just more motivation for me to kick ass when I get off the crutches. I also tell myself that I will have to be conservative for a while when the cast is removed.
Anyway, if I am short with anyone, give an attitude, or just look plain sad next time we interact in person, please understand the roller coaster of emotions I am having. I will be alright.. and Yes, this could have been worse. In the end, it is me- unable to live in the now- thinking of what was and what could be if only I had stepped a little further when crossing over the divot that took me down.
About Me
- *Me
- Tampa Bay Area, Florida
- I am a mother, teacher, photographer, and traveler on the road to happiness. A third year teacher, and grad student, trying to juggle my career whilest maintaining familial bliss and attempting to find my way back to a whopping 40lb weight loss I achieved when I had nowhere else I needed to be but the gym.
It is in the short term though. Remember that. It is not a chronic situation, though it may feel that way because you are such a doer. I can relate. You do fun things with Corbin all of the time, and maybe you can have more special one on one time with him during this time. Because I know that you like to take him tons of places and do things with him, but you guys can chill together now and just be. Not that this is anything like an ankle break-but I have had two casts before in my life and they are not fun. I digress, you know that I am a go go go person, based on my facebook alone. During the winter, we are forced to stay inside for 3 months here and a lot of time this winter, I have had no extra cash for all of the awesome activities that cost money. I was down a bit, but turned my lack of cash and winter blues into fun. Isabella and I played with a different toy, or did a different science experiment or a different board game everyday. I will always remember those times. Yes we missed the Nutcracker at the Kennedy Center and other fabulous events, but I enjoyed myself just as much for free with my daughter and she and I will both reap the benefits. No my ankle was not broken during those times, but I figuratively felt stuck at home and I tried to make the best of it. Just think of it this way-you will be healed by summer time adn be all the more riled up to work out! Feel better, keep your head up...
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