Letting Go of Control isn't Easy!

I know I am not a famous blogger so I am sure most of you know me personally. Anyone that has any true connection should know that I am a little bit of a control freak. I have read Eckhart Tolle as well as The Secret and I do not have the ability to remain in the Now. I have tried to live there and have been successful but something happens and I start to ponder what if's and what could have beens. This inability to live in the now has prompted this blog.

Being as though I recently broke my ankle, whilest running my first 5k, I have had to let go of all control and allow myself to remain sidelined from my life. I have had to instill the assistance of a reluctant spouse for all of my transportation and meals as I cannot hobble on crutches with a plate or glass. I have had to rely on my students to behave and get Mrs. Schuster whatever she needs for lessons. I have had to sit on my ass instead of run 3x weekly or attend my kickboxing classes. Worst of all, I have had to watch my son wish we could be as active as we normally are on weekends and miss out on doing things we would usually do.

I was reading an article of about injuries and how they can bring you through similar stages of dealing with death. If this is true, I must be in the depressed stage. The WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA DO FOR SIX WEEKS stage. The WHY CANT I DO MORE WITH MY SON stage. The LIKE I NEED ANY NEW REASONS FOR MY BODY TO NOT WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT stage. I know I am being a Debbie Downer, and I am sorry. I just want to express the pain and anguish I feel knowing that I made it to the very goal I was working towards to have it all ripped away from me. I keep telling myself that it is just more motivation for me to kick ass when I get off the crutches. I also tell myself that I will have to be conservative for a while when the cast is removed.

Anyway, if I am short with anyone, give an attitude, or just look plain sad next time we interact in person, please understand the roller coaster of emotions I am having. I will be alright.. and Yes, this could have been worse. In the end, it is me- unable to live in the now- thinking of what was and what could be if only I had stepped a little further when crossing over the divot that took me down.

From the Couch to 5k and BACK to the the Couch AGAIN!

What can I say? If I don't start this blog with a positive about my accomplishments there will be many people yelling at me.

So, YEAH! I finished my first 5k!

I was able to finish in just 40 minutes a time that would have been better by 2 to 3 minutes. I fell at the last turn and fractured my left ankle. I was down for a minute or so before a friend came up behind me, along with a stranger, and lifted me up and helped me jog/limp across the line.

How it happened:

I was making my way around the final turn. There was a small dip/divot in the road where the two sections of asphalt met. This divot was cement. My left foot came down and rolled out and under my leg causing me to land on the ground.

What now?:

I am in a boot and on crutches for 6 weeks. I will miss another 5k I signed up for but I will NOT stop running. I plan on getting back into it as soon as I am cleared from the dr.

How do I feel?:
I was very sad. I felt like I had failed and I also felt like I had worked so hard for this to only lose it in one stupid mistake or mis-step. Then I saw my time and realized that even with the injury I had done well! So many of you have given me the strength to go and refer to me as an inspiration.. and it is truly you all who keep me going. Thank you so much!


I AM AN IRON GIRL!

Throw me a frickin bone people!

So I have taken a break from blogging because I was retweaking my workout and diet and wanted to see how it worked before I reported back. I began Weight Watchers PointPlus a week and a half ago and have been using my iPhone to track my points. I have maintained my points each day and been tracking my activity points as well. Having been on this diet before I anticipated losing the standard 2-3 pounds one does the first week BUT I did NOT. All of this, in addition to my doing couch to 5k 3 times this week as well as kickboxing three times lead me to call my doctor. I will be fasting Monday evening in anticipation of having my blood overworked on Tuesday.

I cannot begin to explain to you how it makes me feel to have done 8 weeks of P90x and 6 weeks of Couch to 5k and literally lost and gained the same 3 pds over and over again. This week I lost .2! .2!! My diet is not the issue, I eat very well. My workouts are consistent and I vary the exercises. Someone throw me a frickin bone!

On a different note..

I will be running my first 5k Sunday. Wish me luck.

I will report all findings from my blood work and keep everyone posted. There is no reason for someone to work as hard as I am to reap little reward. Its down right depressing and overwhelming!